Soft on the lovers, hard on the moonshine.” It’s been the Farabow family motto for generations, and Billy Webster Farabow is its exemplar. For some in the Appalachians, white lightning is just a hobby. For Web, it’s a way of life. From checking the stills at sunrise to bootlegging orders at midnight, Web never stops working to deliver bottled deliverance to the good people of North Carolina. You can ask him for his recipe, but he’ll “shore nuff haff to shootcha” if he shares it. And given his shockingly violent criminal record during the Prohibition, you’d be a fool to put Web and his trusty Winchester to the test. With a beard like that, there’s no telling what a man might do.
Kevin “Kevin” Deptula is the current head gnome wrangler in Pennsylvania, a position he has held since the ‘60s. The ‘60s were a crazy, trying, and sensual time for Kevin; he likes to say he discovered himself before the gnome-catching business found him. Appointed by George Bush, Kevin has been methodically attempting to extract the gnomes that live near Pittsburgh. Those die-hard Pittsburghian devils have been nearly too much for Kevin’s entrancing voice, which he uses to lull his prey into a deep sleep before capturing them with his net. When Kevin isn’t chasing tiny garden creatures across the Keystone State, you can find him trying to stop the love from running out (also with his net).
Kirk Woo doesn’t enjoy attention. He hates the spotlight, as whenever Kirk begins to sing, bodily changes occur on a molecular level. His hair becomes blonde, his eyes turn red and his skin becomes pale. This genetic mystery has caused confusion in his family for years. Medical records indicate that dating back to 618 AD, a vast line of Woo’s had a condition of selective, musical albinism. While this condition has certainly been difficult for Kirk, he has grown used to it, often considering himself a Super Saiyan.
Fred was engineered in a secret government research facility. Designed to be the ultimate a cappella singer, the goal was to create a man with the voice of an angel and the disarmingly handsome looks of the devil. When the ‘Streeters rescued him from the lab, we had no idea that even we would fall prey to his talents. What a siren.
Tom Benz was born in 1673, the beloved eighth son of a washerwoman and a shoe-cobbler. His crystalline voice and musical senses were God’s gifts to 17th century France, and Tom soon became a fixture in the court of Louis XIV. Wishing that Tom’s majestic voice could be preserved forever, the Sun King himself insisted that Tom refrain from any festivities, and be confined to a dark, dark cell in the bottommost floor of Versailles. While banging his head against his cell door one evening, Tom knocked himself into a time warp and found himself in modern America.